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The current period marks a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who forgo parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal habits indicating a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, mostly benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly shut down any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {